If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
