Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
