Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
