Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
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He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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