Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
