soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
