If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
