Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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