No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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