I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
