he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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