That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
