I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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