Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
