You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
