is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
