I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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