Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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