my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you had me at cake vodka
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
