i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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