...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
