did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize