We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
