if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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