Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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