I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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