Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
