Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
