He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
