The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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