Someone shit on the floor
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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