Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
