so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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