you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
