I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
