just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
