"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
