I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
