So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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