If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
