Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just crazy horny about you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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