just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
