i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
