woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think i have two assholes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
