hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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