life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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