just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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