there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
