Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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