every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
