My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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