wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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