I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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