last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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