Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
