Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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