Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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