Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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