He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
