I puked a lego.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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