I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
