I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
