uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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