am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
