i just had sex bonerless
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
